furi.blog

Sometimes, it feels like all I’ve got going for myself is that I’m still trying, that I have not given up yet.

I’m tired of trying, if I’m being honest. Wouldn’t it be nice to let myself stop thrashing around in these murky waters to stay afloat, just for a moment? I could let the turbulent waves wash me away or take me under…

But, I know that’s not an option.

I know no one wants to hear depressing tales of me fantasizing about how peaceful it could be to stop existing, but really, I am fine. Don’t fret. I will be okay, because I’m still trying.

I’m trying to be less toxic to myself and to those I love, but it’s a work in progress. I’d like to see myself as someone who is consistently compassionate, even towards myself.

I’m trying to be a better listener. I would like to be a woman of few words, who speaks confidently but not excessively.

I’m trying to work harder, even when the work is hard. I’m trying to motivate and encourage myself, but I feel the crushing weight of all of this work that needs to get done, and I am not sure whether I am capable enough sometimes.

I am trying to be responsible. I am trying to be kind. I am trying to be empathetic.

I am trying to learn things and acquire skills that will help me not have to struggle so much, maybe.

I am hoping to be a competent, capable, knowledgeable, and wise woman, some day.

Some day, maybe trying my best will be good enough.