furi.blog

I tried the basic DBT exercise “mindful eating” and it did not work out for me.

I have two eating disorders; one being ARFID (Avoidant-Restrictive Food Intake Disorder,) and it is one of those conditions that affect each person differently. ARFID makes it so the mechanics and sounds of chewing cause me significant distress. The textures, smells, and sounds of certain foods really set me off.

So I tried this mindful eating exercise, and I found out that the results depend entirely on the kind of food I eat. If I am mindfully eating my favorite chocolate bar or a dessert, it is very pleasurable. If, on the other hand, I am eating some sort of meat product, I cannot even ingest the food at all. My food repulsion goes off the charts.

I realized that I have been eating mindlessly for the past few years during my recovery from my other eating disorder, Anorexia Nervosa. Just to be able to eat. This mindless eating, a habit I started just to be able to withstand the “chore” of eating, coupled with my sedentary lifestyle, caused me to become obese at this point.

I talked a bit with my nutrition counselor about how I found myself in this difficult position of eating mindlessly just to be able to eat, and suffering from overeating as a consequence. Even though I am now obese, eating is still not an easy task for me, if you can believe it.

I believe meat products were the main cause of most of the food repulsion I have been experiencing. I had been forcing myself to eat small portions of meat whenever I can withstand it, just to get enough nutrients in my body. But it had to be a mindless act for me, lest I get nauseated and make myself sick. This mindlessness practice got out of hand, I think. After speaking to my counselor, I have decided to cut meat products out of my diet entirely, since this can help me be a little more present while eating, I hope.

I am now a lacto-ovo vegetarian. 🥬

I never liked meat, anyway.